You Only Love Once
Mean Girls. I warned you I'd quote the entire movie.
I don't think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this.
Yeah, moderately priced soaps are my calling.
Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets? No. What are marijuana tablets?
It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's gonna rain! Well, they can tell when it's raining...
I don't know why I did it. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that!
Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!
Hell, no! I did not leave the Southside for this!
And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the ho-mo-sex-shuals.
Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up. Just don't do it, promise? OK, everybody take some rubbers.
At your age, you're gonna be having a lot of urges. You're gonna want to take off your clothes and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia. And die.
Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. And I'm sorry I told everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
"Made out with a hot dog"? Oh, my God, that was one time!
Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
Laura, I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you.
And she had some 99-cent lip gloss on her snaggletooth.
Half the people in this room are mad at me. And the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front of a bus. So that's not good.
This is the fertility vase of the Ndebele tribe. Does that mean anything to you?
Yo, yo, yo! All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me. From my grades to my lines, you can't touch Kevin G. I'm a Mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard. I'm like James Bond the Third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred. I'm Kevin Gnapoor. The G is silent when I sneak in your door. And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me, 'cause the next time you see her she'll be like, "Ooh! Kevin G!"
The only guy that ever calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa.
Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of? Your mom's chest hair!
Do you guys need anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God, love ya.
My nana takes her wig off when she's drunk. Your nana and I have that in common
Glenn Coco? Four for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco! And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.
That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets
One time, she punched me in the face. It was AWESOME.
Hi I'm Karen Smith and it's 68 degrees and there's a... 30% chance that it's already raining
I can't go to Taco Bell because I'm on a no-carb diet - GOD KAREN, you're so STUPID!
I can't help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
You smell like a baby prostitute.
Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such behavior. And from young ladies. I got parents calling me on the phone asking, "Did someone get shot?"
So are we still in a fight? Are you still an asshole?
I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Wanna see?
Is your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
So if you're from Africa... why are you white? Oh, my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
Regina George is not sweet. She's a scum-sucking road whore! She ruined my life!
Oh, my God, Danny DeVito! I love your work!
Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks!
I don't know, I mean, she's so weird. She just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack.
I have this theory that if you cut all her hair off, she'd look like a British man.
Grool. I meant to say "cool" and then I started to say "great".
Everyone in Africa can read Swedish.
I know it may look like I'd become a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.
Will this minimize my pores?
Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. OK, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become OK for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
Regina says everyone hates you because you're such a slut.
You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad.
How many people here have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?
SHE IS A FUGLY, SLUT
That is like, so fetch! Stop trying to make fetch happen, it's not going to happen!
Get in loser we're going shopping!
I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat it and be happy
SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE
Boo, you whore
On wednesdays, we wear pink!
I have a *fifth* sense
He's almost too gay to function
I JUST HAVE ALOT OF FEEINGS
Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?
I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can't help it that I'm popular.
Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.
This is ass, you guys. It's been a month, and all we've done is make Regina's face smell like a foot.
Don't be fooled, because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, she is so much more than that.
I'm gonna make you girls a hump day treat!
Trang Pak is a grotsky little byotch.
Well, this has been sufficiently awkward.
Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?
I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend, so just promise me you won't make fun of her.
I wanna lose three pounds.
Wow, Damian, you've truly out-gayed yourself.
X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P. Xylocarp.
I have a nephew named Afernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Afernee.
Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple.
Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3 and 5. You could try Sears.
Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?
Cady, this is your night. Don't let the hataz stop you from doin' yo' thang!